User talk:GCooper316/sandbox/Approaches to Knowledge/2020-21/Seminar group 10/Power

Formatting, Suggestions and Edits in "Power in Legal Systems"
I did my entry about "power in immigration systems" and I noticed the person above me did "Power in the US electoral system". This both seemed to tie with legal systems, so I changed the formatting by making the titles of both posts "secondary" to "Power in Legal Systems" so they appear as mini sections of each. This way, I think it is a bit more organized, as someone who is interested in reading about Legal Systems and the power relationships within them can click in and pick one issue they are curious towards. RandomOmellette (discuss • contribs) 13:51, 9 November 2020 (UTC)


 * It is a good idea to combine the part! However, I personally think that we could give a more relevant part to this section, because it is not very obvious to associate legal with US electoral and immigration is usually referred as illegal (even if it is a legal system at the origin). Hence, the name if not incorrect but I believe we could improve it. I was thinking about: "Power in Institutionalized Systems". This is just a proposition but let me know if you agree. Anarmi632 (discuss • contribs) 07:53, 10 November 2020 (UTC)

Power in the US Electoral College: Suggestions
I think the writer did an excellent job of describing how the rather disproportionate system in place for the electoral college is an example of institutionalised power, but I just have a few comments:


 * 1) This form of power is referred to as indirect, or institutionalized coercion; the institutional process that operates "systematically and consistently to the benefit of certain persons and groups at the expense of others. Those who benefit are placed in a preferred position to defend and to promote their vested interests." I think this statement in the entry needs a reference - where did you get this quote/definition from? The entry on "Power in immigration systems" has a pretty similar statement which is referenced (Check out reference 18) - if it is where you got this definition from, you can use it, if not, perhaps you can alter your entry to utilise this reference.
 * 2) There are some opportunities to make some (inter)disciplinary connections in your entry since there aren't many clear ones right now. You could potentially talk about how the electoral college is an example of institutionalized power within the discipline of politics (more explicitly, perhaps); the intersection between law and politics; how this is a sociological phenomenon that can be studied, etc.

Of course, these are non-exhaustive and just ideas, and if time allows me to I'll try adding onto your wonderful entry. Gonkponk (discuss • contribs) 16:52, 9 November 2020 (UTC)

Thanks for spotting that! I have now added the reference to taht quote. I think it would be a great idea to look at it from a sociological perspective, please feel free to add and contributions Avotoast (discuss • contribs) 10:14, 10 November 2020 (UTC)

1. Majority of the information from the text are figures, and I think the author seemed to have properly cited resources (Paragraph 1, …in essence of…..;  Paragraph. 2 it is best to indicate where [1] definition and [2] statistics came from.)

2. Last sentence lacks reference. Without the references, the article would sound like a personal essay where the writer may be deemed a political analyst, which is not clearly established in the essay. Thus, it is recommended to consistently refer to where ideas are extracted from.

3. I find some minor grammatical errors such as the agreement of words in number and spelling. In [15], “this ideas” should be changed into “these ideas” and “giver rise to” should be rewritten “give rise to”. uhmmmm (discuss • contribs) 18:07, 9 November 2020 (UTC)

Editing the reference:"Power in Immigration systems"
I've regrouped some references for the part "Power in Immigration systems" because they were references repeated multiple times. Just in case you want to know how to do this in the future, take a look at the discussion in the Truth sandbox where I explained the steps to do. I hope this will help you! Anarmi632 (discuss • contribs) 07:23, 10 November 2020 (UTC)

In-text citation format
Hi, though I've already posted this in the other issues' sandbox, would like to remind all that it would be better if the in-text citation edits were placed outside the periods or commas instead of before it.

I am basing this in-text citation formatting style off other Wikipedia articles, and this website: https://wilkes.libguides.com/c.php?g=191948&p=1266506#:~:text=Placement%20of%20the%20citation%20numbers,inside%20of%20colons%20and%20semicolons., whereby it states "Generally reference numbers should be placed outside of periods and commas, inside of colons and semicolons."

I've made edits to the in-text citations of "Power in Immigration Systems" entry to reflect this change, but let me know if op wants it reverted. (I also made some minor grammar and language edits, and fixed some of the inconsistent capitalisations especially with country and continent names. Gonkponk (discuss • contribs) 16:21, 9 November 2020 (UTC)

Power in Fashion (Edits and suggestions)
The content of this entry was thoughtful and interesting! But as I was reading it I made a handful of grammar edits (mostly relating to tenses, verbs relative to singular/plural context, word changes) - please view the Edit History tab to see them, and revert them if you think I've made a mistake. I usually make direct edits to grammar without posting them on the Discussion page, just to let everyone know!

Anyways, I have some further suggestions and clarifications for the entry:


 * 1) The use of "Thus" is rather heavy in this entry, so you may want to consider changing some of it to other sentence starters other than "thus".
 * 2) This phenomenon was accentuated over time with the industrial revolution (mass production and middle class). The statement within the brackets could benefit from further elaboration. I understand that it is to describe what the industrial revolution entailed but perhaps it could have its' independent sentence, something like "Industrial revolution gave rise to mass production..." etc.
 * 3) Even if fashion is not among the “7 arts”, it remains one of it means of expression. I'm not sure what this sentence means - do you mean that even if fashion is not considered an art, it is considered a means of expression? If so, I think "It remains as one of the means of expression" would be more grammatically accurate.

I know today's the last day of the sandbox assignment so hopefully you'll see this in time to make the edits! Gonkponk (discuss • contribs) 09:13, 10 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Thank you for all these suggestions! I didn't realize how much I repeated myself. I will try my best to do some changes before the deadline. Anarmi632 (discuss • contribs) 15:44, 10 November 2020 (UTC)

I think the author did a great job at explaining the power dynamics surrounding fashion from a variety of different disciplines. In the first paragraph though I am having trouble with the following 3 sentences: "It is a collective phenomenon, therefore it reflects the image of a society and the norms it follows. It is a form of power as indirect coercion. It creates a system of so-called common values (common sense of fashion) that people follow automatically if they don’t want to feel excluded and hence, become the targets of this system" It makes it sound like just because it reflects the image of society it is a form of direct coercion. I would rewrite it to make it clearer and so that it emphasizes that if they do not follow the trends, they become targets of the system which shows the power hierarchy of indirect coercion.

The economy section is great, I can see how this creates power, however in the psychology section the author doesn't really explain how this relates to power. Is it by creating a system of bias (like mentioned in the sociology section)?

For the history section again, I think the author could explain not only "where fashion came from and where it originated." but the historical background of the power hierarchy and maybe how power has shifted throguhout history.

Lastly, in the Arts section the author talks about how the big fashion school are all in Europe and the US, but what is the effect of this? Maybe this leads to the western world imposing their western beauty standards onto other parts of the world? This could be a from of power too.

BUt overall I think you did a great job and these are simply suggestions and are non-exhaustive Avotoast (discuss • contribs) 10:11, 10 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Thank you for your suggestions, I will try my best to do some further research but I am not sure I could cover all of our suggestions because of the limited time. Anarmi632 (discuss • contribs) 13:38, 10 November 2020 (UTC)

I found your contributions to be an extremely enjoyable read and extensively researched. If it doesn’t bother you, I would like to make some suggestions in your section about Sociology. In your sentences “This vision is not shared by all sociologies. Another sociologist named Carter thinks that the two classes are trying to define his own style while they keep up with the trends”, I feel like the two sentences could be combined and the phrase ‘another sociologist…’ could be replaced into something like this: ‘However, other sociologists such as Carter argue against this claim writing...’. Again, these are just suggestions, you don't have to heed them and I felt like your arguments were well conveyed. Gingerisadog3025 (discuss • contribs) 22:14, 10 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Thank you for your suggestion! I just made the change. Anarmi632 (discuss • contribs) 15:35, 10 November 2020 (UTC)

Hi, I've added a section entitled "Further exploration: How Power in Fashion has affected the environment". I discussed how power in fashion continues to act as an issue, more specifically an environmental one, in the form of fast fashion - though it is somewhat outside of a disciplinary context. You can edit the section however you like, op. Gonkponk (discuss • contribs) 10:50, 10 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Thank you for your contribution! I have done some rearangement in the section so we could see clearly that your part was opening into another aspect of the power of fashion. Anarmi632 (discuss • contribs) 13:33, 10 November 2020 (UTC)

Formatting Discussion Page
I have found not the sandbox, but the discussion page itself unorganized, since suggestions on "Power in Legal Systems" including "Power in US Electoral College" as well as the same suggestions on the "Power of Fashion' repeated multiple times and appeared as different sections, so I have decided to combine all of them under one section, so it is easier to read all of the suggestions about a particular section.--Piscesmoodphase (discuss • contribs) 19:18, 15 November 2020 (UTC)