User:LuthoIsReal

I'm a great kid, everyone's favorite. I don't have a proper talent. It's all about laughing or regrets, i studied history on my spare time with my previous experience. I am quite shy and i don't make friends easily. Being on time isn't my greatest strength. Somewhere somehow along the line i messed up, i repeated my mistakes and my heart was misplaced. I knew it, things will go this way and now it's happening and i'm mad but i never lost control of a relationship... I don't know... i feel very difficult to express the feeling i have right now... I tryna put a shell to protect my feelings for a relationship that has no obligations. I surprise my self sometimes, in last summer i invented a girl, programmed her, briefed her on life, thought her about sex & thoughts of waiting. From where i come from you don't get "thank you" for doing your job. Luckily i realized that she needs to know more about life than the square root of 625 or the capital city of Ethiopia, so the aggressive behavior was the strategy i used to complete her... Stupid things always work; but be careful for what you say about her i might take it seriously. Some machines come out of the factory broken & she was a broken machine, she doesn't say much & she has a wild temper it scares me sometimes. She may sometimes be a little bumpy, but never dull. I look at her best day, she's not as smart as i am on my worst, her silence has a price. We had our differences, when ever i am with her i never had a conversation. Fear is a good thing, it forces me not to play games. A part of me still lives her. I usually think about the stuff we did & things we had, it was "love" for a long time. But then she started creating ideas of; living far, having a child & living large now she gets creative thinking, please don't confuse her greedy with her needy. She might be right, just might be... but what i give, really wonder i will receive, because sometimes we give desperate people the taste of life they always wanted to live and in return we get no reply and those people who benefited from that assistance can not be expected to change, there is a price to pay for what we want the most. That was tough love but bottom line "LOVE". She was my earth, she was my worth, when she told me that she's pregnant, she made my life just make sense i whispered to her ears telling her that we are pregnant & we are having a big boy but it is said that... it is hard to raise a child, some people even let alone one & i thought what we had for my son will last forever, my heart was like Noah over her and my ark is full but insecurity mentally destroyed her, faking a smile actually boosts her mood sadly she finally got to a point where she just felt like giving up. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Let me ask you a question...Isn't that amazing what people feel about others? "We always feel guilty for ourselves because of the decisions they took for themselves" cause some people have no appreciation in favor. She gave me many causes to be upset she made me sad for a long time, i'm not angry. I hated her for the wrong reasons & i have a few good reasons for letting her be at her own, and one has just entered my head; She valued relationship more than life it's foolish. Now it's my son's birthday, worst feeling is not to be there, to hold him tight & let him laugh (You don't have that kind of love for free) really wish he can understand & accept it or he's just a kid maybe he won't notice, it's sad i don't know why she doesn't realize or react. But really i don't regret having a baby with her i feel like it is something i had to go through... (love is the emotion, which is over used word in English) Maybe he's writing a book right away so called "My father, My monster" I imagine what she told him about me, but i'm sure he will doubt my abilities for what happened to my relationship with his mom. She made me strong, not to be soft on my self, uneven or unjustly that's how she is. She doesn't care about the right's and needs of others but me i know that cruelty is a sign of weakness not a sign of strength... Once in a while I wanted her to assume that people are good as her, not worse. I don't know whether i hate or i love her right now i just never have doubts about my feelings though i have zero tolerance in betrayal but i just hoped the both side's will come to senses cause we got options. You gotta understand the effort has been used to create this machine is controlling me now. Some might say i worship her, but no i obeyed her & there is a fine line between respecting and worshiping. If i praises her may peace be upon her and grant her forgiveness and if i hate her with all my heart i will pass this hatred to my kids... back on the days people would have known what to do with a woman/machine like her. I wish i can read & fully understand every women's heart. There is nothing lonelier than having everyone afraid of you. I don't have to praise everything she comes up with and this is the nice way of showing her true colors... totally i will never recover. You know it's funny not to know i'm in love but in this love i'm in to i relapse. "they say a world is bigger than a soul and i take it as a revolution but then they said human heart is older than a technology" it does make sense cause i invented one. It kinda reminds me of my child, just a little longer we did a right thing. "When there is no room in hell, the dead will walk the earth" i never thought about that but i did my best, it was enough if she needs me maybe i will be in touch... ignorance brings chaos not knowledge' i don't know the terminology to determine whether a person is really crazy or not when she likes things that you don't wish to have, i have opinions, but i am willing to listen to others, and to change my mind if they can show me that i am wrong like she thinks her body is unattractive that her fat is so ugly, her big legs it's gross. I can't deny that she has beautiful eyes she wishes that if she had skinny legs and hips like the woman on TV or a big smile like a cover-page of a magazine... but i tried to make her believe that TV strims Fiji girls, in other words it's hard to care for someone you don't invest in. I've been thinking about what she said the other day... that if she looses me, she will never love again & i didn't believe that cause everything she said was what i wanted to hear, remember i'm the architecture of all her actions & decisions, her foundation. I expect every girl to lie about their background who they slept with, how many guys they fall for but her, she created another universe. When i'm far from the sea looks empty but once I'm there it's crowded & heart uses that formula too and i don't worry about being loved i worry about loving it's far more important. I wrote her the other night but she didn't reply, she must be sick or don't have time. Most of us, never get to know finding love makes it worth the pain you searching for. The last time i saw her it was months ago a picture from my phone... Her biggest problem is that she doesn't know how to ask for help and the truth is i worry alot about other people's dealings. And now love is crumbling down like a stack of cards even if i say i love her i would be lying to my people but if i say i don't care about her i would be fooling myself, i don't know which one is worse... "you can stand a foolish women for a couple of months, patients have a limit" no one wants a woman who has a child that isn't there's and i never betray my ideals for the sake of the girlfriend cause courage really is contagious and i will need to raise my expectations to people who will. I recognize that my needs are important, but i try to satisfy other people's needs too. If i think someone's need is greater than mine, i will put their needs first that's not kindness i'm not kind really - i just hate it when people get sad and hurt, i know i will go an extra kilometer to get what i want but back on my mind i believed her than me. She was forgiven & it's time for her to forgive. I hope this message finds her in peace, totally it says "thanks for being such a kind & helpful girlfriend/machine" hopefully i'm gonna find true love, it's her loss. --LuthoIsReal (discuss • contribs) 21:43, 3 June 2015 (UTC)lutho sineke